For those of you who didn't believe me about how strict Ohio is on speeding...

last night I got pulled over headed north on route 15. I was going a few miles an hour over. The police officer kindly reminded me that the speed limit is exactly 65mph and that I needed to be going no faster. I think I was moving up and down from 66-70, back and forth, not really maingtaining any one speed.

Fortunately it was a warning. Anyway...in Ohio they don't mess around!

I dislike dilemmas

Being a Christian and really trying to follow God's Word is very difficult. You have to really be convinced by God that it's true to even want to do this...because freedom to do your own thing is so appealing

God will arrange my future as He wills. And I've got to make the choice.

Later

I'm glad to see justice done with Saddam Hussein. But all the post life of Saddam mockery bugs me. People are making signs of him to make fun of him with. Radio stations joke about the new years resolutions he never got to keep. Should we gloat over our enemies? Justice must be brought on the unrepentant criminal in this life and the life to come. Yet we miss the heart of God as recorded in scripture if unlike Him, we "rejoice in the death of the wicked." The Lord says that He "takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked. Am I not rather pleased when they repent and live?" The same God who places all men under His Holy Wrath is not pleased to urgently destroy them, nor does He find it amusing.

I've got a lot more to say but that's enough. Back to chillin

Hmm, now I'm thinking about joining the Coast Guard if school doesn't work. Combat drug trafficking and get to learn cool things, and get tuition afterward...I'm feelin it. I also wouldn't mind getting certified to teach English as  Second language. Then I could go live somewhere like Egypt or Indonesia for a while and get paid to do it. I know a guy who taught in Egypt without even going with an organization. I'm sure it'll become clearer within two weeks.

On another note...if you have a few minutes I wrote about poker last night.

so...greed.

     I don't see anywhere in scripture where God specifically commands us not to gamble. We've got to be good stewards, so it's generally not wise. Last night I got in on some poker games. Three of them were $5 to enter, the last one I played was $10 to enter. I was only going to play two games of $5 unless I won some. I figured it would be a good chance to spend time with some extended relatives as well as their friends and relatives.

   The first game I came in 5th or sixth out of 7. The second game I came in second, the third game I came in first, and the fourth game I came in 4th. Going into the fourth game I had made $15 on the night...I only made 5 on the night afterwards. $5 a game seems like small change, right?

   But as the night went on some different thoughts hit me. For one thing, although I turned out ok, some other guys lost $20-$30 dollars. They might not be able to afford that. Yet let's suppose they could afford it.

   Following Christ is a costly commitment. I don't think making bets is inherently wrong. But how can I talk about sacrifice for others if I willingly throw away the means to help them? Is that enough devotion do to helping the poor and needy, as well as supporting those who take His Gospel to the ends of the earth? It's easy to throw cheap money at God but not make a true sacrifice. That's a personal choice-we are only commanded to cheerfully give the amount we choose. God is watching my heart all the while though.

   There was a man who came to Jesus. His brother had stolen his half of the inheritance, and he wanted it back. Jesus gave him a disappointing answer. "Who appointed me an arbiter?" He then told those listening to watch out for all kinds of greed. God's definition of greed is narrower than ours. He includes being eager for money as part ot it. I was eager for money last night-no one wants to lose after they;'ve put some money in- and I was eager at the expense of others.

   I have a dilemma and I'm just calling out for God to fix it. I'm really not sure whether to continue at New Tribes or finish through online classes at LU. It's a very, very complex matter. I'm not concerned about money because if God absolutely determines to have me somewhere, He will provide. I feel like I would be staying here more out of pressure than a genuine belief God wants me here. But honestly, I'd probably be leaving more because it makes sense to me than because I believe that's God's path for me.

   I'm normally very rational and thought out. Without throwing that out the window I am trying to genuinely seek God through confession of sin and prayer-with patience. I don't want to live a christian life that's an intellectual concept. I want to honestly be walking with God.

   I've felt God speaking to my heart about sacrifice. It's no Bible verse but that quote "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" is once again challenging my thinking. It makes no sense to me for me to stay here...I could finish my education and spend time in my home church if I left. Furthermore, I could always go on to the New Tribes Mission Training center without finishing my Bible here. As long as I finish my Bible...that's the issue.

   Really, I want to be involved in missions either way. This isn't a question of living for God/not living for God. The question is which way? The hard thing about stuff like this is that people who are zealous for missions will pressure you. I know because I used to do it. People who aren't sometimes don't care enough, and don't challenge you when they should. So I am learning to turn to God. I just wish He would make me good at doing that.

   I guess I could fast and pray...which would probably get me made fun of. But the fear of man is a snare, and the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.